Not Pregnant Anymore

It's been a roller coaster ride of emotions. Last week I had another beta--1464 which was excellent. This week on Tuesday I saw OB endocrine specialists since my regular dr. discovered I had high blood sugar and was hypothyroid. The OB ordered an early u/s. I was so excited! I literally ran down the hall to the room. All we saw was an empty sac. I was informed that the pregnancy was not viable and I could wait to miscarry or schedule a d&c. I was devastated.

The next day I spoke with the reproductive endocrinologist I had been seeing, who said that they had my dates wrong on the ultrasound and that it was too early to see anything. She told me to come to their office next week for another ultrasound. She was shocked that they would recommend terminating to someone who was not even 6 weeks pregnant and without offering a followup ultrasound. Somewhat reassured, I calmed myself as much as possible.

However, last night when getting ready for bed, I discovered that I was bleeding. So I'm not pregnant any more. It was REALLY fun being pregnant for those 2 short weeks.

And why does today's headline have to read, "Baby Found Dead Was Alive at Birth." While I am longing for a baby, other people are throwing theirs away!

Grow, Baby, Grow!

Beta #2 was 144, up from 39. It needed to double in 48 hours, but that's a 3-4x increase!

Pregnant

hpt, originally uploaded by PaulaK.

I am so over the moon! Last time I got pregnant these tests weren't invented yet (or I hadn't heard of them). It's so much fun to see it in writing! Had a beta hcg blood test on Tuesday, it was 39, which is good. Having a repeat today, and we want to see that number at least double, so if you are a cyber friend who prays, pray for me that this pregnancy is successful and ends with a healthy baby in my arms!

What Do I Sound Like?

Since none of you have ever heard my voice, according to this quiz, my "accent" can be described as:

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Inland North   You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop."
The Midland
The Northeast
Philadelphia
The South
The West
Boston
North Central
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Our newest reader

Our newest reader, originally uploaded by PaulaK.

I love when that lightbulb turns on and they learn to read!

Expecting

Expecting, originally uploaded by PaulaK.

Our cat, Cazadora, is expecting her first (and only) litter of kittens the 3rd week of March. At least someone in the house is pregnant!

Valentine

Valentine, originally uploaded by PaulaK.

Our Valentine's Day dessert--a simple butter cake frosted with whipped cream and decorated with strawberries (heart shaped, of course!)

Roses for the Ladies

Roses for the Ladies, originally uploaded by PaulaK.

Daryl brought each of his daughters a rose for Valentine's day (and some for me too!)

Family Photo

Family Photo, originally uploaded by PaulaK.

This was our Christmas card photo, taken in October at a metropark near our house. What a glorious day!

Rose Bowl

Rose Bowl, originally uploaded by PaulaK.

The boys at the big game. Wolverine fans through and through.

Christmas Past

Since we were flying to Phoenix on Christmas day, we had Christmas with our families on the 23rd and 24th. Having Christmas on those dates is traditional, it didn't really change anything, except that Christmas Eve was a rush. We bought a catered pre-made meal, which was fabulous, that we ate with my parents around 2pm. Then we exchanged gifts, and then a few of us rushed over to the church to save seats an hour before the service was to begin, and got the last seats available in the back row of the choir loft. A few more of us joined them at mass, but Daryl stayed home with the young children who can't tolerate 2+hours in church. Santa came while we were at church. He came while Daryl was showering, but the 2 year old saw him, and told us all about it. We opened the gifts from Santa on Christmas Eve so that in the morning all we needed to do was get dressed and out the door.

I'd been warned ahead of time that we would all have to take our shoes off. Daryl parked the car and dropped the rest of us curbside, where I checked the luggage. I had been able to check in and print boarding passes online, so I was prepared. All we had to do was get to the gate and wait for boarding to begin. When we reached the security checkpoint, there was a man distributing ziploc bags and telling us to put any liquids, gels, lotions, etc. in them. I had some hand lotion, hand sanitizer, Desitin and blistex that I put in a bag. I forgot about the bottle of liquid Benadryl in the diaper bag. Once the items were in the ziploc bag, I put it back in the diaper bag, since we were given no further instructions. Later I learned that we were supposed to show the ziploc bag to the security person. Although the ziploc bag and the bottle of Benadryl must have been visible when the diaper bag went through the xray machine, no one mentioned it. We all took off our jackets and shoes, putting them on conveyor belt along with our backpacks, stuffed animals and blankies. Between us we had 3 laptops and 2 cell phones, all of which had to be taken out of their bags. A. became very upset about having to remove her shoes and coat, and when I laid her blankie on the conveyor belt she began to shriek. Meanwhile, having shown my ID and boarding pass 4 times already, I stowed them in my purse and laid it on conveyor belt. When we finallly approached the metal detector, I was asked for the boarding passes AGAIN. When I told them that they were in my purse which had already emerged on the other side of the xray, the security agent was visibly annoyed. He sent me to retrieve them, and after I showed them AGAIN we were all allowed to walk through the metal detector. After we reassembled and repacked all of our gear, we headed to the gate. The rest of the trip was uneventful. We arrived in Phoenix, picked up the 12 passenger van we had rented, and headed to our friends' home. We had a relaxing Christmas evening with them.

The next week was filled with wine, friends and laughter--good for the soul. My cell phone rang constantly with old friends wanting to get together, and it warmed my heart. We attended a great New Year's Eve party. The next morning Daryl flew to Pasadena with D. and L. to attend the Rose Bowl. I drove up to Sedona, and checked into a resort where we spent the next 3 days. It was so beautiful and restful. While there we hiked, biked, took jeep rides, etc.

False Positive

Turns out, after a 3rd blood test, where my hcg level was 6, that I have something called heterophilic antibodies, which react with the pregnancy test to cause a false positive. They don't harm me in any way, but I just need to know this for the future. A positive for me will have to be higher than 7, and I will need to ask that they perform the test in a certain way to avoid the false positive.

So I wasn't pregnant, even for a minute, despite having a 17 day luteal phase with high temps followed by a visit from AF that resembled a miscarriage.

Almost Pregnant

"I thought there was no such thing as almost pregnant," said my husband, when I told him the news yesterday that the pregnancy blood test (known as a quantitative beta hcg) I'd taken the day before came back positive, but so low that it probably wasn't viable. It was a 7. My dr. said that she has seen a number that low become a viable pregnancy, but it isn't likely. I repeated the blood test today, and the number, which needed to double to even be a possible pregnancy, stayed exactly the same--7.

So I guess now I'm almost not pregnant. Something is going on in my body. I have some minor symptoms, including high basal temps and an absence of "Aunt Flo."

I have grown to hate menstruation fiercely during this past year, (not that I ever really liked it). The fact that it is a reminder that I am NOT pregnant that slaps me in the face over and over again for a few days each month, combined with the sheer annoyance and inconvenience and general unpleasantness of the the experience, makes me feel punished, victimized even.

New Year's Resolutions

1. Get pregnant.
2. Lose 10 pounds
3. Exercise more frequently.
4. Eat less.
5. Eat more healthful choices.
6. Resume doing yoga.
7. Finish books that I begin reading.

Struggling to Keep Blogging

My enthusiasm for blogging seems to have flagged. My posts are so infrequent that I wonder if anyone bothers to stop by any more. Truthfully, I briefly forgot about my blog--as in totally forgot that I even have one! I wonder if I should continue or just let it die. Has anyone else faced this? Did you get re-inspired? If so, how?

It seems as though nothing too exciting has happened and I don't have a lot to say.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas 2006


Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I hope this letter finds all of you happy and well.

2006 was a good year for our family. One major event was the July sale of Daryl’s company, XXXXXXs, to Gore, (maker of Gore-tex) a Fortune 500 biotechnology company located in Flagstaff, Arizona. He continues to teach and do research as a Professor at the University of Michigan and to perform as CEO at his other company, XXXXX.

We have embarked on a major home renovation and addition project. Many months were spent on the planning and design phase with the architects. Currently we are completing the bidding process, which will result in both a final budget and the selection of a contractor to complete the work.

Our family did some traveling this year. We spent almost 2 weeks traveling 1000 miles through Ontario and Quebec provinces. We spent a week in a Baie St. Paul, a small town in eastern Quebec, north of Maine. Since none of us speak French, and most Quebecois do not speak English, it was an interesting and sometimes frustrating experience. The region boasts amazing scenery, both mountainous and water oriented. Located on the St. Lawrence seaway, we were able to go whale watching and sea kayaking as well as hiking, bicycling and horseback riding.

In November we spent a week in Chicago having a city vacation where we enjoyed museums, shopping and a performance by the Blue Man Group. We celebrated Thanksgiving with Paula’s aunt, who lives in Chicago.

We will be traveling to Phoenix on Christmas day. We plan to enjoy time with old friends, some hiking and sightseeing, and the sunshine.

D. is in the 9th grade this year. In September he was confirmed in the Catholic churh, which was a proud moment for all of us. He played running back and corner back on the football team. Although the team didn’t have a winning season, Dillon scored numerous touchdowns and was a vital member of the defense. He is currently playing basketball.

J.’s soccer career ended this year when her team disbanded, so she has taken up horseback riding as her new sport. She also continues to play both the piano and flute. She is in 7th grade and is an excellent student. This past summer she attended Inkstains, a creative writing camp at Eastern Michigan University.

L. is now our lone soccer player, and he is both dedicated to his sport and a talented player. He is in the 5th grade, and doing extremely well in school. He has just begun playing the clarinet and continues to play the piano.

I. has also begun horseback riding lessons and she is passionate about both horses and riding. She is in the 4th grade. She continues to play the piano and to fill her role as our household fashionista.

T. has really blossomed in the past year. She is handling the transition from half day kindergarten to full day first grade extremely well. She has gained a lot of self-confidence and maturity. She is a real math whiz and enjoys doing math problems just for fun. She is now reading well enough that she can read a book on her own.
,
K. is enjoying being at home with his mom and little sister. Astute and observant, he has a terrific vocabulary ,and we are often amazed by the things he has to say. He loves to be outdoors, enjoys playing with dinosaurs and helping with cooking.

A. has gone through a tremendous transformation in the past year, from a baby with few opinions of her own to an extremely particular little girl who is not shy about sharing her feelings. To say that she loves reading would be a huge understatement. Her adoration for books is so great that we have dubbed her “the librarian.”

After several months of watching Isabel and Jasmine with envy, Paula has also taken up horseback riding, and is enjoying the challenges of a new sport. She continues to be a member of a women’s book club, and continues with running as her primary fitness activity.

We hope you all had a terrific year and a blessed holiday season. We wish many more blessings upon you for the New Year!

A great way to contact Paula is email: pxxxx@xxxx. I look forward to hearing from you!


Love,

Paula, Daryl, D., J., L., I., T., K. and A.

What's Up?

You may be wanting to ask this of me, wondering why my posts are so infrequent. My time is being consumed by 2 things, primarily: 1) unsuccesful attempts to get pregnant and all of the obsessing involved, including recent visits to a reproductive endocrinologist to determine if there is something actually physically amiss (results aren't in on that one yet), and beginning tomorrow, visits to the acupuncturist in the hopes he knows something that western medicine does not. 2) the previously alluded to home renovation project.

I will attempt to briefly describe the house as it is. I live in a home built in 1862 with an addition put on in 1975. The house has no garage and 1.5 bathrooms (used by 9 people) and 4 real bedrooms, only one of which has a closet. Additionally, 3 of those bedrooms have adjoining rooms which could be used as bedrooms but would be walk-throughs. One of those adjoining rooms is being used as a tiny bedroom--the 3 girls have a suite, with the 2 oldest together and the younger one in the little room. Another of those adjoining rooms is being used by Daryl as an office. The third adjoining room connects to my bedroom, and it is being used as a combination closet and bedroom for A. 3 of the bedrooms are upstairs but there are no upstairs bathrooms. The upstairs bedrooms sport funky shag and dated wallpaper. The front porch on our house is literally falling off. We have a laundry room that is only big enough for a washer and dryer, no folding area or storage for clothes. The kitchen/family room is dark year round, requiring the lights on at all times. I park outdoors and carry groceries, babies, etc. up a small hill.

The renovation involves: Adding 3 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms upstairs, including a master bedroom, and putting a murphy bed/nightstand unit in the little room that adjoins the downstairs bedroom, which will become a guest suite. Some of these bedrooms will be located in an addition which will include a garage, new laundry room and mudroom, and a finished basement. The downstairs family room, which has large beams in the ceiling, will have the ceiling opened up to the 2nd story with only the beams remaining for a vaulted ceiling with skylights. The kitchen will be renovated to include additional cabinets, a 2nd dishwasher and a 2nd refrigerator/freezer. The old part of the house will receive cosmetic improvements as needed, like paint and flooring.

We spent July-Sept. working on the design with architects. Oct.-Nov. has involved selecting a builder/contractor. We are reviewing bids and hopefully we will have one by next week. We bid out some of the outdoor work separately, which began the week before Thanksgiving. This included removing the nonfunctional swimming pool and deck, clearing brush and rocks, removing and rebuilding the front porch, and sealing the old basement, which leaked, from the inside and outside.

Once the project is in full swing we will need to move out for 5-6 months, so I am currently looking at rental houses.

In other news, we spent Thanksgiving week in Chicago, visiting Windy City attractions like the Science and Industry Museum and the Shedd Aquarium. We also visited friends and saw the parade of lights on the Magnificent Mile. Two birthdays happened while we were there. L. turned 11 and chose to go ice skating outdoors in Millenium Park and to the top of the Hancock building. A. turned 2 while we were there, but we celebrated her birthday when we got home. She was very clingy and attached during the entire week. She is the only one of 7 children who refuses to: ride in the backpack AND ride in the stroller AND ride in the sling AND walk. She only wants to be carried, and only mama will do. Mama's arms get very tired.

We spent Thanksgiving Day with my aunt who lives in Chicago and my parents, who drove in for the holiday.

So that's what I've been up to!

Love Thursday

Love Thursday, originally uploaded by PaulaK.

Need I say more? My oldest and youngest.

How Did We Get Here?

Mothers of large families are often asked: Were you always in total agreement with your husbands about family size? Did either of you need convincing or change your minds? Was it a gradual process or did you always know you wanted more?

The short answer to that question, the reply I give to nosy strangers, is that once we began having children, each one was so special that it made us want to have another.

The extended version is:

When we married, we had agreed that we would have children; at least two, maybe four. After we had our first, I was hooked. Daryl was pretty excited, too. We welcomed a second and a third in quick succession. At this point we were planning to put a larger gap between the third and fourth. The first 3 children are each 21 months apart and the second and third were both difficult toddlers. However, as it happened, our fourth child was born 21 months after the third! While I was pregnant with her, Daryl became convinced we needed a Suburban, instead of the minivan that we owned at that time. I felt that a Suburban was expensive and not really necessary. We could afford it, however, and I agreed on the condition that I was entitled to any one thing I should want in the future, including another child! Daryl readily agreed to this. I got pregnant in late May and miscarried in early July, at 7 weeks along. I was devastated, but fortunate in that the miscarriage was physically easy. I didn't suffer intense cramping or excessive bleeding, and didn't require any medical attention. I felt healthy immediately after it was over, and we tried again the next month. Our youngest was now almost 2 when we conceived our fifth child.

At this point people started to say things to us. We had 2 boys and 2 girls, which while larger than average, was regarded as a cute bigger family. When we went from 4 to 5 children was when we became a curiousity in the public eye. Particularly because we had "2 of each," as though they were matched salt and pepper shakers, people couldn't fathom our wanting another child.

When our fifth child was 16 months old, we moved across the country to Michigan. Although this was a long desired change, our lives were pretty shaken up by the experience. I wanted to have another, but Daryl insisted we wait until things settled down. After we'd been in Michigan for a year, he agreed that we were ready, and it wasn't long before I was pregnant with our sixth child. Once he was born, Daryl felt that he was done, and proceeded to proclaim that rather loudly. This was painful for me, since I knew I wanted to welcome another child into our lives. When our sixth child was 8 months old, I put my feelings in writing and gave Daryl the letter to read while away on business. I felt (and still feel) that we were handling the number of children we had well, and that God had blessed us in so many ways that we should be open to receiving another blessing from him. He returned home and readily agreed to have another child. I got pregnant immediately, much to our delight.

Our baby is now almost 2, and we are hoping and praying that God blesses us with another.

Have you Ever?

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game (and survived the crush afterwards)
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk.
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe.
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

Courtesy of Mopsy at Lifenut (see link in Sidebar)