Almost Pregnant

"I thought there was no such thing as almost pregnant," said my husband, when I told him the news yesterday that the pregnancy blood test (known as a quantitative beta hcg) I'd taken the day before came back positive, but so low that it probably wasn't viable. It was a 7. My dr. said that she has seen a number that low become a viable pregnancy, but it isn't likely. I repeated the blood test today, and the number, which needed to double to even be a possible pregnancy, stayed exactly the same--7.

So I guess now I'm almost not pregnant. Something is going on in my body. I have some minor symptoms, including high basal temps and an absence of "Aunt Flo."

I have grown to hate menstruation fiercely during this past year, (not that I ever really liked it). The fact that it is a reminder that I am NOT pregnant that slaps me in the face over and over again for a few days each month, combined with the sheer annoyance and inconvenience and general unpleasantness of the the experience, makes me feel punished, victimized even.