Struggling In My Leadership Role

On Easter Sunday morning I fully intended to take the older children to mass. D. and I had been the night before, so he would stay home with the little ones, since Easter mass is a little longer and you need to get there almost an hour early to get a seat. This is a real frustration of mine. Although I am happy that people who infrequently attend mass are moved to come on one of the holiest days of the year, I am resentful that it makes it so difficult for those of us who attend regularly. Small children don't have the patience to sit (or stand!) for over 2 hours and there is no nursery available on holidays. Usually the day is packed with other activities as well, meaning it has to be timed just so.

J. had agreed to go early with me on Easter and then D. would bring the others close to the time mass began. We hunted eggs and ate candy and breakfast, and then J. asked me to help her install her new computer game. At that point it was over an hour until we had to leave. The next thing I knew it was about 5 minutes until we needed to leave (although it was still an hour until mass began and we only live 5 minutes away). At that point I decided not to go. I figured the kids wouldn't complain. WRONG! They were shocked and upset that we didn't go.

D. supports me in raising the children Catholic, but doesn't really support or encourage me in my role as spiritual leader of the family. He thought it was a fine idea to skip mass. Sometimes I wish the burden of the decision making and the "making it happen" regarding religion didn't all fall on me.

When I saw how bothered they were, I held a small ceremony. We read the mass readings and listened to several Christian rock songs, very uplifting music, said the Our Father (Lord's Prayer) and lit a candle. I apologized to the kids for failing them and promised it wouldn't happen again.