Potty Training Help Needed!

As I alluded to in my last post, K. has a problem. He absolutely refuses to have a BM in the toilet. He has done it 2-3 times in his life, but not recently. We have been working at this with him for the past 18 months. We have tried offering every reward and enforcing every punishment, including spanking and other things I don't believe in, that you can imagine. We have gone through months of ignoring it with the idea that he is seeking attention. We have tried pullups and underwear. He has been examined by the pediatrician, who didn't find anything physically wrong.

At this point, when he soils himself he is instructed to change and wipe himself as best he can, and then he takes a shower to clean off anything he missed. This was the suggestion of the child development clinic at the local hospital. We are not currently doing any discipline with him, as this was causing him to hold it.

He usually sneaks off to do the deed, and then informs us. He has told me that it comes out more easily if he is walking around. He has also asked me, "how do you push your poop out?" I can't figure out if he really doesn't know what to do or not.

Later this month he has an appointment with an encopresis clinic. Encopresis is involuntary soiling in children caused by holding it and/or constipation. Even if a child goes regularly, he can still have hard impacted stool in his colon.

I am feeling very frustrated for several reasons. K's 2 year old sister, who emulates him in every way possible, is beginning to potty train. She has been peeing in the potty, but when she poops, she hides, and the past few days she when she has a BM, she takes off her diaper and attempts to clean herself! This results in her smearing it all over herself! I had really hoped that they would both be potty trained by November when I am due to have a baby. At this rate, I will be changing 3 kids, one of them WAY too big for this! I had also hoped to send them both to preschool, which requires that they be potty trained.

Has anyone out there had an experience like this? People keep telling me to be patient and it will eventually "happen" but I am not seeing any signs of progress. He is just becoming more proficient at cleaning himself up. I'd appreciate any advice.

Four!

K. turned 4 on June 20. He is a bright, sweet happy little guy. He chose a spectacularly unhealthy birthday menu of: Reese's peanut butter cereal for breakfast, Lunchable for lunch, and hotdogs for dinner. Ugh. He survived the food, as did the rest of us. He got his first two wheeler for his birthday.

At the moment, K. has only one stumbling block in his life...

D's bday

His birthday was June 5, and he turned 15. As my oldest child, he really shows leadership with his siblings. He is usually helpful and rarely complains. He is a straight A student as well as a talented multi-sport athlete: football, basketball, and track. This means that he has practice and/or games afterschool year round, with the exception of a handful of days. He handles this with ease, actually making it seem easy. He is never late, and never forgets things.

He just completed driver's ed, and was eligible to get his permit. Unfortunately I recently misplaced his birth certificate, so we took a copy to get his permit. This wasn't acceptable, and they wouldn't let him get his permit. Instead of being rude, angry, or sullen,. at this turn of events, like many teens would be, he was patient and actually nice. I thought he would be angry with me for misplacing the original, but he was not. Luckily, I was able to find it and he has since obtained his permit.

If he sounds nearly perfect, it's because he is!

Back view

Back view, originally uploaded by PaulaK.

I can't find a "before" back view, but this is how it is now. Previously, there was a pool where there is now house and will be patio.

Side view

Side view, originally uploaded by PaulaK.

Here is a side view of the house now. The red brick fireplace exterior has been refaced with stone (behind left tree), as has all of the blue siding. In the far left of the photo you will see a 3 car garage. Everything left of the main entry has is a new addition.

Oaks side view

Oaks side view, originally uploaded by PaulaK.

Here is a "before" picture from the side of the house, which is where we usually enter. I am standing in the parking area taking the photo. There was no garage.

The door on the left will become the main entry in the next photo.

Front view

Front view, originally uploaded by PaulaK.

Here is the same view (sort of). There was an addition, which wasn't really visible in that other picture. As you can see we have totally rebuilt the front porch, replaced windows and cleaned and sealed the stone.

Oaks front view

Oaks front view, originally uploaded by PaulaK.

To try and give an idea of what our home renovation/addition process has been like, here is a "before" picture of the front of the old part of the house (built in 1862).