Bedtime and Chores

I have decided to combine the Bedtime (from last week) and Chores topics because for me, they have a common theme: My husband is often not here and not helping, so I am (attempting to) handle it alone.

Ahh, I remember the days so fondly now when bedtime was 8pm and all children actually went to bed near that time. That seems like an impossible fantasy now.

We eat dinner on the late side--7pm or later, due to the schedules. Even if we don't wait for someone to eat, the food isn't ready sooner because the cook has been driving around during dinner prep time. After dinner everyone has a chore and is supposed to pack backpacks, etc. (the "list" described in the organization post), get on pjs,and brush teeth. So imagine me driving around (an average of 3 trips per night if Daryl isn't available, sometimes as many as 6!), making dinner, sitting down and eating dinner wiith kids, doing baths and toothbrushing and pajamas, helping with homework, reviewing school paperwork, supervising dinner chores, and reading aloud without any adult assistance. I'm not complaining, just trying to describe it accurately so that it is understood that I can't do it all speedily and efficiently and perfectly.

After dinner chores and "list" they listen to me read a chapter of a book (ideally at 8:30pm or so, but usually I don't start reading until 9pm) and go to bed. If only it were so simple...

Little A. does go to bed between 8 and 8:30pm. She is not old enough to complain, manuever or scheme, however. She still wakes up 2-4x a night to nurse. She is in a crib in a room adjoining ours (like a suite). I have always loved the idea of a family bed but have never done it, mostly because I am a "princess and the pea" type who can't sleep while being kicked, etc. by a toddler.

K., who is 2.5, goes to bed at 8pm (or even before) if he hasn't had a nap. Most days he does nap, however, and he goes to bed between 9 and 9:30pm. He is fixated on having Mommy do everything for him, so Daddy can't put on his pjs or read him a book. Since A. wants only me as well, and usually at least one other person has a problem only I can solve, this slows down the entire bedtime process, because, amazing and special as I am, I can really only do one thing at a time. After he gets his pjs on, I read him 2 books, nurse him a little bit, and then his older sister tucks him in, first singing him Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Only she can do this, in his opinion. We refer to it as "twinkling" him.

T., who is 5, but in afternoon kindergarten, stays up too late--till 9:30 or later, but she sleeps in until 9am or sometimes later. She puts on her own pjs after many reminders and either listens to me read a chapter book or I read her a picture book. She resists getting ready for bed until everyone else does.

As a point of reference for bedtimes, the elementary school bunch has to get up at 7:30am to catch an 8:30 bus.

I. who is 8, also needs a LOT of prodding. She does her dinner chore SO slowly, stops so many times for distractions and must be reminded/threatened a LOT. By the time she gets ready for bed it is at least 9pm, usually around 9:30, occasionally as late as 10pm.

L., who is 10, is the best about getting ready for bed. He does his dinner chore fairly speedily, and then goes out with J. to feed his rabbit, followed by the "list" and getting ready. Then he goes to bed, by 9:30pm at the latest.

The oldest 2, described below, need to get up around 6:30am to catch a 7:10am bus.

J. is the worst. She takes an astonishing amount of time to get ready for bed, visiting the bathroom at least 3 times. Often she still has homework to complete after dinner, her dinner chore, showering, the "list" and a variety of obsessive/compulsive activities she must complete before retiring, like lotioning her hands, making sure the dog has gone out and come back in, bidding Daryl and I goodnight several times, etc. It is usually 10:30 before she gets to bed, and she needs more sleep than she gets.

D. is very self-regulating and goes to bed when tired, after completing his chores and homework. He may go to bed early if he is tired, or stay up and watch a sports event on TV for a while. He never has trouble getting up on time and is never late.


The dinner chores rotate weekly and are just written on a sheet of paper. Any chore that needs to be done more than once a day is done each time by the same person. Every Sunday I cross out the names and bump everyone up the chore list.

The 5 year old's chores do not rotate--she has the same chores every week: Unload the dishwasher and set the dinner table. If it needs to be unloaded more than once, then she does it more than once. Any dishes she can't reach to put away, she leaves in the dishwasher and the loader will put them away.

The other sets of chores are as follows:

1) Sweep
Feed dog

2) Clear and wipe table and counters.

3) Load dishwasher.
Watch/entertain K. and A. during dinner prep.

4) Cooks Helper.
Take out trash and recycling.

If someone is not home when a job needs to be done, I usually do it. Some jobs can wait until they get home, like clearing and wiping the table or sweeping.

Everyone is supposed to keep their own room clean (usually means rooms are messy).

We all work together at picking up the house.

I do all the laundry, and once upon a time, we had a rule that boys brought down their laundry on Monday, girls on Wednesday, and on Friday I did my laundry. No one ever actually brought down their laundry on the appointed day, however, so now they just bring it down when they need clean clothes. Frequently this means they don't have clean clothes, or not the ones they want, because they haven't brought down a hamper in 2 weeks. I do not stay up late doing laundry on these occasions (when they bring the hamper down at 9pm and want clean clothes for tomorrow!) but I have taught the 2 eldest to do their own if they need to.

And my dirty little secret...I have someone clean for me. She vacuums, dusts, does bathrooms, kitchen. She does not clean kids' rooms if they are messy. She doesn't do laundry or dishes or pick up toys, although she will push things out of the way!

Potty Training 101

Seems that in the 3 years that have passed since I last potty trained a child, I had forgotten how. For months now we have been talking to K. about this topic and he has been steadfastly refusing to even entertain the idea of sitting on the potty. He is 32 months old, and my kids have all trained between 28 and 34 months, so I felt he was ready, but just not willing. But then yesterday it occurred to me, "Why am I earth am I waiting for him to agree to it?" So I took off his diaper and told him to sit on the potty. Nothing happened, but he didn't resist. Then I dressed him in underwear. He had an accident, so I cleaned him up and put on fresh underwear. I set the timer and had him sit every 30 minutes. Another accident. Naptime came, so he wore a diaper to bed. I told him before he took his nap that he'd sit on the potty right after he woke up (because he usually pees then). He remembered and requested to go as soon as he got up. His diaper felt wet, so I thought we missed it was dubious about whether he still needed to go, but he did! I gave him the promised candy as a reward. He went twice more yesterday, and once on his own--HE informed ME that he had to go!

This morning he was excited to go, and wore underwear all day, having only 2 accidents. He has yet to do a #2 in the potty (that was one of the 2 accidents and man what a mess that is in underwear!) but he has definitely caught on, both to the urge and what he needs to do, and to the candy reward. It is amazing what a tiny amount he is able to squeeze out in order to earn another M&M!

Best Cookies Ever

I tried these Chocolate Chip Angel Cookies fromDomestic Diva in Training
last weekend for part of our Superbowl snacks and they were out of this world. You'll never make another traditional tollhouse again once you try them!

2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon cream of tartar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup shortening
1/2 cup light brown sugar
1/2 cup sugar
1 egg
2 teaspoons vanilla
6 oz. chocolate chips

Mix together the flour, baking soda, cream of tartar and salt. Set aside. Beat together the butter, shortening and sugars. Add egg and vanilla and beat well. Slowly mix in the flour mixture. Add chocolate chips.

Bake at 350 degrees for 8-11 minutes. Take them out of the oven before they look completely done and before they get brown. Cool on a wire rack.

Home Organization

Remaining a week behind, I'll address this topic today.

For me, it is not only about physically having our "stuff" organized, but also about routines and chaos.

Four years ago, after our move to Michigan, we were drowning in chaos and confusion. In part, this was caused by the move. I personally do not adjust well to change, and moving felt like having my entire life put into a blender and mixed up. It took about a year for the dust to settle. During that year, there were many lost library books, late permission slips, and crying children as they walked out the door to catch the bus. The house was also dirty, and the kids slept on mattresses on the floor for almost a year, as it took us that long to get their bunk beds set up, etc. It was a combination of disorganization and just being overwhelmed by moving.

During that time I became a Flylady (www.flylady.org) devotee. A lot of people criticize her technique, don't agree with some of her "rules." I took from her what helped me and ignored the rest. She is doing a fabulous free service. I never created a control journal, or really set up hard and fast weekly schedules/routines. I did, however, internalize many of her suggestions and ideas. I broke tasks down into smaller pieces (I didn't have to clean the entire refrigerator in one day) and adopted a strict "Do it now!" philosophy. She also helped me manage paper, and, of course, clutter! I no longer participate in the Flylady's system, but have internalized many of her philosophies, so I know I will never be as disorganized as I once was.

Kids' school papers were the bane of my existence. Now, I look at them, if not immediately, the same day. I fill out permisson slips that day, so they won't be lost, or send in money, or whatever is required, so that I don't have to remember to do it later. Most of the paper gets recycled. Any original work of one of the kids that I feel is really special gets saved and put in his/her individual memory box. I recently purchased this with a drawer for each school aged child and one for me to hold important papers like a list of classmates and their phone numbers, grading policies, etc. At the end of the school year I clean them out and toss most of the papers, which are no longer needed.

I have 2 piles for filing, both of which are kept in an empty file cabinet drawer--one is business/tax paperwork and the other is personal stuff. I just stuff anything that I need to keep into the drawer and then once a year I spend an hour or two filing all of it at once. I find this is more efficient for me than to try and find 10 mintues once a week.

I created a bedtime to-do list for the kids, which I need to start enforcing again, as it is being ignored lately. It worked great for the first 2 years, however. I even took clip art and printed small pictures for children too young to read. If they follow the list, they will have laid out clothes, boots, etc., packed backpack with library books or sports equipment, packed a school snack, and read the school menu and decided if they will take or buy their lunch the next day. The list also included the typical bedtime chores of putting on pajamas, brushing teeth, etc.

Things that work:

A friend recently recommended using a basket to hold books for small children, as it is easier for them to put the books away in a basket than back on a shelf, so I got this basket.


For socks, at the present time this very unsophisticated system works for us . People just dig through the basket and find their own socks. What enables this to work is that each child has one dozen pairs of identical socks (24 socks each). Each child's socks are different from his/her siblings, and all are athletic socks. Hanes makes some nice ones with the name Hanes in different colors varying with size of sock on the sole. 11yodd has pale pink Hanes, 8yo dd has bright pink, 10 yo ds has blue, 13yo ds has grey, 5 yo dd has purple, 2yo ds has green. I have thrown away all of the "different" socks. I have unique socks, but I don't usually lose mine or have trouble finding them. I do occasionally mate socks, but once a month or less. When I do, I toss any with holes.

What doesn't work:

I've found that any system is only as effective as it's least efficient user, which means that some of the following things COULD work, given a little more effort on the part of the children.

We have a shoe rack that looks like this when shoes are arranged neatly on it. We also have coat cubbies that can look like this. The cubbies are too small, and we are working out the details of creating a mudroom when we do some upcoming home renovations. Regardless, the children make no attempt whatsoever to hang things up, and so the entryway usually looks more like this

As for the children's rooms, they are supposed to keep them clean, but there is no real penalty for messiness except that you can't find your stuff, you don't have any clean clothes because you haven't put them in the hamper and brought them down to the laundry room, and your room never gets vacuumed since the floor is never clear. The girls room is the worst. I will concede that part of the problem is living in a 144 year old house, which has no closets. We all lack storage space, and I submit A's "bedroom" as a prime example of this. The room is actually a small anteroom off of our bedroom, and it has a large window, so it is not really a closet, but functions as one as well as being her bedroom. Our room has no real closet and this keeps her close so when she wakes to nurse it is easy to get her. When she gets older she will share a room with a sibling.

I keep snacks and cereal in this drawer which, again, could work fine, but no one bothers to put things back neatly, roll up bags, etc. so the bottom of the drawer is usually full of loose cereal and crackers.

As for planning, scheduling and keeping it all together, I use this calendar exclusively. This year I bought 2 since there are more of us with places to go and things to do. It works well for us. As you can see, each person has a column, with the dates going down the side. So each person has a square for every day. I just look down the row that is Feb. 9 and see who has what and when.

That about sums it up for us!

Playing the Harmonica

Playing the Harmonica, originally uploaded by PaulaK.

Among her many other talents, she has learned to play the mouth harp.

Feeling Her Oats

Feeling Her Oats, originally uploaded by PaulaK.

At 14 months, A. is queen of the world. The expression she is wearing in this photo reflects her attitude most of the time.

My Guy

My Guy, originally uploaded by PaulaK.

Last Sunday I went for a winter walk with my sweetie, and here he is.

Huron River

Huron River, originally uploaded by PaulaK.

I have lived all of my life, except the Arizona years, in the watershed of this river. It goes a long way through the state of Michigan, but I've always been near it, which I think is really cool. The river has been there since glacial times.

Winter Wonderland

Winter Wonderland, originally uploaded by PaulaK.

This is a view from the park that I run in. I feel so blessed to live near such a beautiful place.

Snowbunnies

Snowbunnies, originally uploaded by PaulaK.

It finally snowed last weekend! And has stayed cold all week! Yeah!

The kids had a great time playing in it.

White Bean Puree

Another recipe I have to share--this is SO good, drizzled with a little olive oil, spread on a crusty baguette, and some red wine to accompany it of course! When I picked the kids after making this, they said the van smelled like garlic bread--I guess I absorbed some of the odors.

The recipe suggests eating these instead of mashed potatoes.

1 1/2 C dry Great Northern or other white bean (or 3 C cooked--I often use canned to speed it up)
1 onion, diced
1 rib celery, diced
1 large carrot, diced
4 cloves smashed garlic
1/3C heavy cream
1 bay leaf

If using dry beans, 5-6 C chicken broth
Soak beans overnight. Drain, transfer to pot with 5C chicken broth, 3 garlic cloves, onion, celery, bay leaf and carrot. Bring to boil, turn down to simmer for 90 minutes. Add remaining broth if needed--if it gets dry. Drain beans and discard bay leaf.

If using canned beans, rinse and drain. Put 3-4T olive oil in pan, saute 3 of the garlic cloves, bay leaf and remaining veggies until very soft.

For either method, add beans to pan with cream and remaining clove garlic and cook over medium heat for 4-5 minutes until almost dry.

Put bean mixture in food processor and puree, adding olive oil as needed (probably won't be needed with canned bean method due to olive oil in pan).

What Flower Are You?

I, apparently, am a lily.

You Are A Lily

You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist. People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you. You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words. Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.

What Flower Are You?

My Morning Routine

I've spent my entire life being a little behind, so why change now? Carmen at Mom to the Screaming Masses is doing a topic pertinent to large families each Wednesday, and we are invited to join in. She did Morning Routine last week, but I'm just getting to it now.

I'm not going to count being awoken around 2am to nurse A., but that is the first time I normally get up each "day."

Today went like this:

4:15am: A. wakes up again (she is ill with a bad respiratory bug). I nurse her again and fall asleep, wake at 4:55am and return her to her own bed.

5:00am: D's alarm goes off. Miraculously, it only takes one elbow jab to get him to turn it off--no snooze. He gets up.

6:30am: A. wakes again. Nurse her again. Attempt to go back to sleep. Big kids get up, eat breakfast with D.

7:09am: Big kids board bus, which stops at the end of our driveway.

7:15am: A. wakes AGAIN and I realize I WAS asleep. Turn off my alarm which is set for 7:15am but has not gone off yet. Get A. out of bed and stroll wearily into kitchen. Wipe A's nose. Unload dishwasher with assistance from A., who throws dishes on the floor. Pour coffee.

7:25am: D. emerges from shower and I ask him to watch A. while I take a quick shower.

7:35am: Head upstairs to wake the 2nd shift. Wipe A's nose.

7:40am: Greet K., who has awoken and come downstairs. He wants to get his clothes on NOW and A. wants to be picked up. I remove A's blanket sleeper so she doesn't trip on the feet (she has pjs underneath) and wipe her nose. Tell K. that I want to eat my breakfast first

7:42am: Cave in to K's strident complaints and dress him.

7:48am: Heat up some previously made apple cracked wheat cereal for K., A. and myself. Wash off highchair tray (from dinner last night) while it warms up. Wipe A's nose. L. and I. are eating cold cereal which they have poured themselves.

7:53am: Put my bowl, juice and coffee on table, along with A's bowl and sippy cup on her tray. Wipe A's nose and seat in her highchair. Commence eating.

7:55am: Get A. down. She is screaming. Wipe her nose again. (Do you see a theme here?)

8:00am: Pour K. some juice. L. and I. get dressed for school. Wipe A's nose.

8:08am: Sit back down, finish eating while perusing yesterday's paper. Wipe A's nose.

8:10am: Clear dishes and load dishwasher as fast as possible while A. is occupied elsewhere so she doesn't try to climb in dishwasher. Wipe A's nose.

8:15am: Hand wash some dirty dishes that can't go in dishwasher.

8:23am: Bid L. and I. goodbye. Wipe A's nose.

8:25am: Head to room to dress and bathroom to brush teeth. Fend off one year old that loves to eat toothpaste, listen to some screaming. Wipe her nose with toilet paper.

8:30: Bus arrives at end of driveway to pick up L. and i.

8:35am: Greet T., who just woke up. Wipe a's nose.

8:40am: Put load in washing machine and in dryer. Wipe A's nose.

8:45am: Peel and hand out clementines to T., K. and A. Wipe A's nose.

8:50am: Get computer out and check email and message boards. WIpe A's nose.

9:15am: Get A. dressed and wipe her nose.

9:25am: Fold a load of laundry.

9:35am: Make important phone calls while kids watch educational TV show.

My kids (theoretically) lay out their clothes and gear the night before so that they aren't searching the house for them each morning. When someone cries 'Where is my... "I remind him that if he'd put it away yesterday we'd know where it is now.

If we must go somewhere in the morning, the routine involves a whole lot of browbeating to get ready.