My 2 Cents

Many bloggers have been discussing the Duggar family recently. They are featured in a television story titled "14 Kids and Pregnant Again! " The Duggars are "quiverfull" which means they believe in letting God determine the size of their family, forgoing any type of birth control or natural family planning. Many people are critical of them. As the mother of 7, who would gladly have another, my only thought is this: If you act so horrified at the thought of having more than 2 or 3 or however many children you already have, what message is this sending to those children? That more of them would be so terrible? I feel that by giving my kids the message that I'd love another, it affirms my love for them. They are so wonderful that I WOULD love another, and I want them to know it!

Wedding

Yesterday was the niece's wedding. She got married in a Seventh Day Adventist church by a Lutheran minister, with the SDA minister saying the opening prayer. She is Lutheran and he is SDA. It took us ALL day to get ready. We needed to leave by 2pm and I wanted an hour for myself to get ready, and of course I ended up with 25 minutes to shower, do hair and makeup and get dressed. I had bought a pair of black pantyhose, and even though I'd just filed my nails, my skin is kind of rough and I put a hole in them while putting them on. UGH! They were ultra sheer. Luckily I had another black pair in my dresser, even though I can't remember the last time I wore hose.

Here's how it went:

Get up
Eat breakfast
Put load in wash
Give T. a haircut
Nurse A.
Call MIL and ask if I. could spend the night
Bathe K. and T.
Pack I's backpack to spend night
Nurse A.
Look in basement for A's tights and K's belt
Put in another load of laundry
Nurse A.
Feed K. lunch
Put K. down for nap
Look in basement for A's tights and K's belt--find them this time
Nurse A.
Tell D, J and L. to eat lunch
Pack spare clothes and PJs and snacks for little ones
Nurse A.
Eat lunch
Tell D. to iron the boys' shirts
Tell D., J. and A. to eat lunch
Nurse A.
Give Daryl a haircut
Nurse A.
Get in shower
Blowdry hair
Curl T's hair and tell J. to pack some hair accessories--I"ll do hers in the car
Get dressed
Curl my hair
Put on most of makeup
Get mascara on lower edge of left eye
Attempt to wipe mascara off without smearing entire eye
Grab last minute items and run out door

Daryl had gone out in the morning to drive I. to Grandma's to get ready for wedding (2 hour roundtrip) because she was a flower girl in the wedding and had to be there very early to have her hair done (by my SIL because I am hair impaired). She was supposed to go there on Thurs. for the rehearsal and spend Thurs. and Fri. nights, helping decorate the hall on Friday, but got sick on Wed. with the flu. She was still feverish in the morning, but not as bad, and that flushed, glittery eyed look was actually quite beautiful with her white dress.

Daryl also had to stop at Kohl's and get D. some dress pants. D. was in a foul mood--spent the entire day complaining that: he has to share a room and his brother left the door open, making it impossible for him to sleep late because the rest of us are so loud (the chronically sleep deprived mother was able to work up a lot of sympathy); his dad planned to take him skiing for the remainder of the long weekend but he had homework to do and trombone to practice and why didn't anyone inform him of this; that he had to wear dress pants in the correct size, not baggy; and obsessively asking me over and over what time we were leaving for the wedding and how late we'd be staying at the reception.

A. had a fussy day. would not nap at all unless attached to my breast. The kids took turns holding her, and J. dressed her and K. for us. K. didn't actually sleep because I put him down much earlier than normal, and managed to stay awake for the 1 hour drive as well. I did my best with J's hair, which amounted to pulling back the front and twisting it a little and putting in a clip on top. That combined with putting on eyeshadow made me feel very motion sick, so I consider arriving at the church without barfing to be a success. A. wanted to nurse as soon as we got there, and so I went to the basement where there was a nice sitting area and nursed her on one side, then was summoned to my seat as the ceremony was about to begin.

I. was strikingly beautiful as the flower girl, and did a great job of walking slowly down the aisle and strewing rose petals. The bride was beautiful as well, if a little teary.

Unfortunately with no nap, K. felt he needed to nurse. He sat on my lap and scream "MIMI" which is his word for nursing. I was not about to nurse him in church, so we took a walk, ended up in the basement in the room the bridal party got dressed in, and found some snacks. We went back upstairs, sprinkled Pringles crumbs all around the vestibule, and I caught the tail end of the ceremony.

There was general milling about during the receiving line, and Daryl tried to convince the relatives that they should have one large group photo of everyone with his 95yo grandmother, who was there but would not be attending the reception. She was recently very ill and in general doesn't attend many events, so there won't be many of these opportunities, but no one seemed interested.

On our way to the reception, we drove through McD's and got kids a snack, since we knew the food wasn't going to be served immediately. Even D., who hates McD's since watching "Supersize Me", had some.

K. didn't eat any dinner, drank about 4 glasses of soda, and each place setting had a bag of candy, so he ate lots of candy. There were also mini bottles of bubbles in the bag, which of course were spilled on the floor by my kids, and quickly wiped up so no one would slip on them. Another high point was while I was in the bathroom with T., K. spilled a bottle of water on the polished floor and was playing in it. I saw this as we walked up and before I could tell someone to wipe it up, T. had slid in it and fallen, banging her mouth on a metal chair. Lots of crying, no blood.

This was a small town wedding, so many guests were Daryl's highschool classmates, so he was busy reminiscing rather than helping me with the kids. No booze or wine, only beer, to my dismay. 370 people attended, so the buffet took a LONG time. There were the traditional dances of mother-son, father-daughter, bride-groom and wedding party, throwing of bouquet and garter and putting garter on catcher of bouquet (all of the single people had to be dragged out on the dance floor for this activity, and most of them jumped AWAY from the garter and bouqet), and a dollar dance. Then the music switched to classic rock and got gradually louder. It was deafening by the time we left.

The kids help up well until about 9:30pm at which point we left. J. was torn, because she wanted to spend the night at Grandma's but didn't want to miss skiing. She hadn't packed any clothes, and her cousin, who was also staying at Grandma's (and lives out of state so they only see each other a few times a year) was bugging her to stay. After a few tears she decided to stay at Grandma's. Daryl had decided in view of the snowstorm that was forecast for today (and has arrived) that they would just ski locally for the day, rather than drive to Northern MI for the weekend, so she wasn't missing a big trip.

All in all, It was fun, if a lot of work, and I got some nice compliments on the family.

So Sad

A woman who lives in a trailer park near my sister did something so unfathomable several weeks ago that I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. She lives with her boyfriend and they have a 2 year old son. Each of them also has a child from a previous relationship. She became pregnant, and fearing that her boyfriend would be angry, she hid the pregnancy. Then she delivered a healthy 9 lb. baby boy at home in her bathroom. Her boyfriend kept banging on the door and asking what was the matter. She told him she had a bleeding ulcer and felt ill. She cut the umbilical cord, but did not clamp it, and wrapped the baby up in an old pair of sweatpants and put him under the bathroom sink. She told her boyfriend that she had vomited blood to explain the mess in the bathroom, and had him drive her to the hospital, stopping for a coke on the way. Once there, hospital personnel could tell that she had just given birth, which she denied several times. They called the police, who went to her home and another team to the hospital. She admitted the truth after a while. Her baby was found dead at her home. Smothering was the cause of death, either from the sweatpants or her hand. She faces a possible life sentence.

How could someone do that? Many states have laws making it unpunishable to hand your baby over to authorities like police, fire department or hospital, no questions asked. I'm not sure if Michigan does or not.

I also realize that she may have been a battered woman. It sounds like her boyfriend wasn't a very nice guy. He was angry when their 2 year old was conceived, and had stated that they couldn't afford any more children. He doesn't work; she supports the family as a waitress. He owns a car and she does not, but he refuses to drive her to work when he's angry at her. I haven't stood in her shoes. but it's hard to imagine any circumstances that would justify what she did.

I know we read about these incidents all the time, but this one seemed to hit so close to home. Perhaps because it happened not too far from where I grew up and very close to where my sister now lives.

Even more disturbing, a friend of mine commented that considering the number of times stories like this are reported, when the person is caught, there may be many more times it happens and the woman is not discovered. That never occurred to me, but I suppose it might be true.

I am praying for her beautiful baby, gone now forever

First Tooth!

Believe it or not, my baby, who will be 3 months old in 2 days, has cut her first tooth! She has been drooly for a few weeks, not excessive, but noticeable. Last night she slept terribly, had to have my nipple in her mouth the entire night, which didn't really work very well for me. Today she hasn't really been very smiley, and cried some in the car, but I wouldn't go so far as to call her fussy, just less happy than normal. She is such a good natured baby. She has chewed on her hands most franctically today and wanted to nurse nonstop, in a kind of "chewy" way that has left me with sore nipples. So I looked at her bottom gums, and there it is, a fine white line. All my kids have teethed early, especially the girls. She's not the first 3 monther. But still, I am sad--I love that toothless smile. Where is my little baby going? Glad I had her picture taken this week to preserve that toothless grin.

Spot

IMG_2132, originally uploaded by PaulaK.

A photo of the runaway.

Lucky Monday

Two good things happened Monday. The first was that our dog Spot ran away, which is bad, of course, but he was picked up by the animal control officers, rather than run over by a car, and we were able to spring him from jail for a mere $50.00. First I had to buy him a license, which was only $5. Then it was $25 boarding fee for the first day at the Humane Society and $20 for each subsequent day. He was there less than 24 hours, so I thought it would be only $25, but I was not in a position to argue that point. He had been gone overnight, leading to lots of tears on the part of J. Luckily, his appearance is very distinctive, white with brown speckles on his ears, a brown spot around one eye, which is blue and the other eye is brown, so it was easy for them to tell me over the phone that he was there. They are a 30 minute drive away so it turned into a lengthy errand. We were not subjected to any lectures from what we affectionately term "dog people" that work at the Humane Society, which was also good. Spot is a very cute and affectionate dog, which also worried me, that someone might just keep him. He had on a collar but no tags, just a box for the invisible fence, which works great when it is on but apparently there is a break in the wire. So I put his dog license tag on his collar and bought him a name tag for his collar with our phone number on it. I also had to buy a new leash--we own 2, but both are lost.

The second good thing was that the oven repairman came. We were having a problem with the oven. Whenever I turn it on, it wouldn't light right away, and when it did light, you could hear POOF! and the door would fly open a little due to accumulated gas. This seemed dangerous, and when the oven repairman visited 2 weeks ago, he said it was. He discovered the igniter was not putting out enough amps, and also noted that the oven was putting out a lot of soot. He said that the company had put out a soot kit to address this problem, and depending on the age of the oven (3.5 years) it might be warranteed. He called them and after a lot of talking, convinced them to warranty the repair. The soot kit contains a new igniter. Unfortunately the part was not in stock, so I had to wait 2 weeks, during which time he advised me not to use the oven as blowing the door off was a risk. When he returned he completed an expensive and extensive repair, and it cost me nothing! Now, if I can just get around to buying some oven cleaner, I'll be able to see in my oven window since it won't get covered with soot again.

I made a nice Valentine dinner, beef caesar salad with homemade croutons and homemade dressing, crusty bread dipped in olive oil, and chocolate cake truffle squares (Trader Joes) for dessert. I even bought the kids some sparkling grape juice (dubbed "kid wine" by my family). Unfortunately D. was not able to get home until 9pm, at which point I was exhausted, after rescuing the dog, having kids all home all day (it was an ice day) and making the nice dinner. I laid down with A. while he was eating his dinner, and put his valentine on his pillow. I was asleep when he came in the bedroom, but woke for a moment when he read it. 3 haikus about love, marriage and making love.

Valentine Haiku

In the homemade Valentine tradition, I made each of my children a Valentine containing a haiku composed by me:

Helpful and thoughtful

Lots of fun to converse with

I’m proud to know you

DILLON


Sensitive to others

Loving and affectionate

You make me feel good

JASMINE



Great sense of humor

Thoughtful and considerate

Fun to be around

LEVI



Always looks so great

Happy and independent

You light up my life

ISABEL



Always has a smile

Really loves her family

A very special person

TESSA ROSE



A lover of life

Busy learning and doing

A joy to behold

KEEGAN



Precious new daughter

So beautiful and happy

Here for me to love

ANYA


Cut out and pasted on a red doily, they were very pretty. I also made D. one, containing 3 haiku.

Traditions I Have Created

That would more appropriately read "foolishly created." One of those traditions is that store bought valentines are no good, and we need to make our own for them to be truly special. This year I didn't have any clever new ideas and no time to research any. J. found an idea online, and I. thought up her own idea. The kids' idea of a good valentine is one that contains candy. We went to the drugstore where they normally have a fairly good selection of craft supplies. The kids had been bugging me to go every day this week, but this was the first day we had time when everyone who wanted to go was available, and even now it was 6pm after religious education.

The outing started out on a sour note when I wouldn't allow T to bring her blankie in the store. The rule has been that it must stay in the car for several months, but lately she's been backsliding. We approached the door with T wailing loudly, so I instructed the others to go on in and I'd follow when she calmed down. She quieted down right away, but I got sidetracked by 75"% off Christmas decorations in the doorway (I bought a Santa cookie jar for $5.00). Now L. is complaining that he doesn't have an idea and that he has to go to the bathroom. The store doesn't have the pipe cleaners I. needs, or several items that J. needs.

K., who should have stayed home with D., who is too old in 7th grade to make valentines, had been mistakenly dressed and brought along by his siblings. I didn't have the heart to make him stay once he thought he was going, but had admonished J. that she must keep an eye on him in the store.

After several minutes in the store, T. finds herself so exhausted that she must drape herself over the top of the shopping cart, making it difficult to push. A. has begun to fuss and cry, and K. is busily deshelving as fast as he can.

I convince T. and I. that store bought valentines are OK, and we find some cute ones that aren't adorned with TV characters and contain suckers for $1.29 for a box of 22, which is all either of them need. This is WAY cheaper than we usually spend on craft supplies to create our own, and perfect for T., who would have needed a lot of assistance to create something and then sign her name on it. Just signing her name should keep her busy till Monday.

After L. uses the bathroom, we decide that we will recycle an old idea, which is to create small airplanes using a Smartie as the body, gum as the wings and lifesavers as wheels, with a rubberband holding it all together. You can write your name on the gum wrapper.

I approached the counter to pay. Everyone had been begging for candy, and I allowed them to get a box of Tictacs, generous woman that I am. Unfortunately they were too strong for T., who cried loudly that they were "too minty." I. magnanimously held out her hand for T. to spit in. The clerk looked revolted at this display, and pointed us to a garbage can. Unfortunately the store is designed so there is a bottleneck at the door, and we were now preventing people who'd paid in the rear from exiting, as well as holding up a line of people waiting to pay at this register. A. was now wailing loudly, and J. had disappeared.

I struggle out the door, another customer holding it open for me, only to find J., my primary helper and the one who most wanted to go to the store, standing outside because she was embarrassed by the mint spitting episode. Several customers had pushed past us in the meantime, muttering "Ex CUUSE me!" loudly.

I was mortified. They usually are so well behaved. L. and I. were embarrassed also. Then we came home, ate frozen mini pizzas for dinner at 7pm. Then they began eating "making valentines" which really meant eating some candy and making a big mess. Luckily they have a few more days to complete the project, since I made them clean up an go to bed.

Envious?

My sister just called to tell me her dh came home the other day and told her he thinks they should have another baby. She feels DONE. They have 4 and her last pregnancy was very difficult physicallly and emotionally--nothing serious, just didn't feel good and was miserable because of it. The day before they gave away all of their baby gear.

How I would LOVE to hear my dh say that! When I asked him to consider having #7, I promised I wouldn't ask again, and already I feel that will be a difficult promise to keep. I am not sure what he'd say if I did. There are so few people that feel as I do--I tire of being such an anomaly. I wish I didn't want any more children and could be satisfied with what an amazing family I've got. But I'll always wish for another.

Did God send me this desire? I have prayed for it to end, but it hasn't!

Kindergarten Info Night

A total waste of my time, but I attended anyway. Lots of first timers asking silly questions. Got my 2 big questions answered: Will she be morning or afternoon kindergarten? (Depends on where you live). Afternoon (like her sibs). Ugh! By the time I get organized and out the door in the morning it's almost time for her to be at school, and once she is gone, it is almost nap time, and after that , the older kids are returning from school.

Question #2: Are they offering all day alternate day kindergarten next year? NO. Bummer. I loved that for the above reason. With all day alternate day, I had all day free without any time restraints on both the days she went to school and the days she didn't. They will have AM and PM kindergarten, or all day every day where the afternoon is actually day care, but with the same teacher, and you have to pay $3600 a year for it.