I'm struggling with a situation right now that is making me very unhappy. Some old, dear girlfriends are getting together for the weekend in another state. They will be gathering and staying at the home of one of the old crowd. I've been invited to come along, with a catch. I am still nursing A., and she is very attached to me. I told them that if I come, I would be bringing her along. I figured I would also bring J., who is best friends with the hostess' daughter, as a babysitter. The price of her ticket would be helping me out. We have already discussed it and she is fine with that.
I was worried that A's presence would spoil the fun, and told them to be honest with me about it. So the hostess (who has 5 kids herself, is a dear friend and is A's godmother) just informed me that she really doesn't want A. to come. My friends have left the place that I am at. Their youngest child is 7 so their lives are rather different from mine. I did expect this friend, in particular, to understand, since she felt the same way when her children were small.
I realize it would be good for me to get away with my girlfriends. I also realize that she is old enough to leave behind. However, she still wakes up occasionally at night, and wants her mama. Also, Daryl will be out of town on business part of that weekend, so I will have patched together child care--a combination of both grandparents and Daryl rotating in and out. The real probem, though, is my emotional response. I am not ready to be away from her for the weekend. This time will not last forever, and I cherish it. For all I know, she is my last baby.
Several years ago Daryl and I went to Europe, and I left my then 2 year old, feeling much as I do now, and it took a lot of enjoyment out of the trip for me. That experience taught me that it is just not worth it, for me, to do that.
So I feel sad and insulted by my friend, and disappointed that I will not be going on the trip. And wishing I had more like-minded friends who were in the same spot as me emotionally.
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